Here are some images (film images!!) of my little people, and their cousins, enjoying the last days of summer, at a FDNY Family Picnic in Long Island, NY.
Fuji Xtra 400
Thanks for looking!
And I did it again. I shot another roll of film, and again, I’m in love.
No, not all images came out right- under/over exposure, and bad composition took precedence in some of the pictures. And I’m actually not as happy with this roll, as I was with my last set, but content I am!
To look at these prints, and see how far I’ve come, is just so gratifying.
When I first picked up a film camera (after so many years), about two years ago, I had no idea I’d struggle, the way I’ve struggled. For some reason, I thought it would be second nature, since I was an avid digital photographer, and my dad shot film for so many years. But no, it wasn’t as easy. However, I did anticipate learning a lot more about photography in general, and that did happen. It’s still happening.
I find it impressive that I have such a better understanding of light compared to a few months back, and that my framing has gotten so much more interesting. And although I have a long way to go, I’m finally grasping the technical aspects of capturing a picture! And all this without a lcd preview screen? It is mind boggling to me.
With each load, with each experiment, with each print, even the bad ones, Im understanding more, and I’m becoming more interested. Its becoming an obsession to want to take pictures all.the.time. The fact that I’m making my mistakes, learning from them, and even finding beauty in those mistakes is what has me so intrigued.
Like I wrote before, I’m just so in love with this format.
Fuji Xtra 400
Thanks for looking!
For whatever reason, I get bored. I retreat. I walk away. And I take breaks, long breaks. And during each single break I think, ‘ I don’t believe this is meant to be; I don’t think I have it in me to continue, to make this work; Im just not good enough’.
Failure, failure, success, failure, mediocre success. And failure once again. It’s a cycle.
But still, something always pulls back in. It’s like my heart mysteriously becomes enlightened, and all over again, I fall back into the thoughts that lured me in, in the first place- The tones. The light. The grain. The control. That essence of ‘you don’t ever know what you’re going to get’. The mystique that differentiates you from all the rest. The often, beautiful mistakes. It’s actually such a simple, complicated story.
See, ’cause I don’t think Im bored. No, actually Im not. I think I just lack that confidence that pushes me to try harder. And its that lack of confidence that drags me into this dark place, where I sit and wilt. There’s so much I want to achieve, so much greatness I think I’m capable of, but then a setback, could be minor, could be big, that humbles me, and I get scared. I then end up frustrated, upset, and bored. That’s when I get bored. When I feel Im not capable of giving more, and in turn, not getting anything back.
Its as if I want things to work out, immediately. I’ve wanted that from day one.
I don’t want to deal with mistakes- artistically, monetary, or emotionally. I just want things to be great, from NOW. And funny, Im normally, not so desperate with goals, but I just expected this to be so much easier. The impatience grounds me.
But then each time I do take the chance to try again, Im reminded that each mistake has made me better. I stand back, see where I am now, and compare it to the past, and realize how much I’ve grown. If it weren’t for the mistakes, I wouldn’t have known how to approach things differently. I wouldn’t have known to change my perspective, and look at things differently. And I wouldn’t have bothered to change my focus, when focus was the only thing I needed. I wouldn’t have known to change my stance on some occasions just to let a different light in. And I can go on, and on.
So no, frustrations aren’t great, and yes, they can be paralyzing, causing you to stop dead in your tracks. But why do we insist on evaluating our journey based how much we have left to go, as opposed to seeing how far we’ve gotten?
At the end, Im still enamored with film. More today than yesterday, but likely not as much as tomorrow.
Its that love, that prevents me from ever really giving up on it.
This is where I am now. Quite far from where I was some time ago, and to think, this relationship is just in the beginning stages. The thoughts of what awaits me, makes me so giddy.
Fuji Xtra 400
Thanks for looking!
She’s a tad shy, child-like silly, and she’s a dormant artist. Dormant, because this chick has skillz. She can draw her bootay off, yet isn’t flexing those skills just yet. But that’s another post. He’s a no nonsense kinda guy, sarcastically funny (yes, that’s a real term), and an intelligent dude. Together they make an interesting duo. They do. How do I know? They’re two of my closest friends, for years now.
Years ago, they met while working together, and they hooked up and married a few years after. They each brought along a daughter of their own, and prayed and tried (whoop whoop) for a while to have a little one together. And now, they await anxiously for her arrival, which is just a few weeks away.
For me, it feels so special to be able to take some ‘formal’ pictures of this belly. Edith has been like a sister for many years, and to see her at this point in her life- finally carrying the little one she’s wanted for so long now, is beyond wonderful. I feel honored to be part of it, even if in a small way. And to document it, is a privilege.
We met up at their house. Hung out a little bit, took a few pictures, and then decided to head to Border’s bookstore minutes from their home. Why Borders? Because Edith is crazy about that place. It’s her go-to place- a place to unwind, relax, to getaway. She enjoys reading, she likes laid back environments, and she loves the coffee sold at Borders, and only the coffee from there really. Yea, this place represents her pretty well. What better place than Borders to take some pictures of this belly?
Look at daddy’s face. Can you tell how excited he is? 😀
Seriously, these two are funny, cute, and nutty together.
So I predict this big sister is gonna rock. I’m serious.
Edith hun, your belly is one of the cutest I’ve ever seen.
Maybe you can see it, maybe not, but Edith is sticking out her tongue. Silly momma. Off to Borders!
We made it to Borders.
Time for some outdoor fun. And silliness.
Snowball attack time
And one for the road, a shot of the big sister. Do you agree? she’s gonna, right?
Edith, Jae, and princesses, thank you so much for allowing me to do this, and more for allowing me to be part of a day in your ‘belly’ adorable life =p